Have I lied to you?

[ When the feed turns on, there's a soft smack and the picture in the camera is blank. After a few moments, there's a sliding sound, and soon after, the picture becomes of the sky, with just a sliver of metal visible in the edge of the frame. A few seconds later, a mechanical voice speaks up. ]

Technically speaking, luck is just a well-hidden set of statistical phenomena. Considering the statistical phenomena of this place, that thing is probably recording right now. So rather than simply wasting this opportunity, I'll present you all with an interesting fact. Did you know that voluntary muteness is a very strong indicator of mental instability? It's true.

Also, if there happens to be anyone out there with the capability to push several tons, your assistance might be appreciated.

[ It seems the Malnosso have returned GLaDOS... to the center of town, upside down. She's crushing her own wings like this. It's not pleasant. It actually rather hurts, and physical pain isn't a sensation she enjoys. What with being a supercomputer and all.

Alternatively, feel free to run into her anywhere! Even in your own living room! Because through the 28th she's teleporting all about randomly. Ever wanted your roof crushed in? A room full of furniture flattened? A giant hole in your backyard? She's your huge hunk of metal! ]

Believe it or not, you are not the first one to point out that the moon looks different. So you might want to consider that before providing another [ there's a brief smattering of static ] observation to the rest of us. Speaking of moons, to those of you who are wondering, moon rocks are a primary component of portal gel. But without any portal-making devices their best use is painting your walls white. It's also easy to clean off surfaces painted with portal gel, as it doesn't get stained by any pesky liquids your surfaces might encounter, such as blood.

[ There's a couple more bursts of static, interspersed with what sounds like it might be GLaDOS trying to form words, but nothing is intelligible until-- ]

There is in fact a cake, but you don't get to eat any of it because the test concludes with your candescence. [ Then the feed quickly cuts. ]


(( GLaDOS is stuck with the Mask of Truth there is no way I could pass this up, so good luck lying to her! ))

[ Those of you frequenting the Battle Dome might notice that there is a new resident among you.

At the very least, it's hard to miss the very large robot that appears to be lying on the floor in the central area, her head elevated to stare at the panel outside chamber 4. There appears to be a wire running from somewhere on her rather damaged body to the panel itself, and the display seems to be flashing at a speed too quick for humans to read. A journal lays open next to her.

After a bit of this, she finally turns to the journal and addresses it, her voice obviously that of a machine or robot. ]

I would like to speak to anyone with administrator privileges to the simulator. Your technology is notably lacking a few key features. I would be interesting in trying out an unrestricted version of the software. There's very important scientific testing I was in the middle of when someone saw fit to... relocate me.